Being single in a world that seems to be full of dating adults is difficult; but being single when half your teens are dating is a whole new ball game. Girl, it ain’t easy sometimes. Here are a few things I have learned being a single woman in Youth Ministry and embracing the season:
Give yourself some grace. Dating isn’t always a walk in the park for the average woman, but being in ministry makes it a whole new ball game. Something I have learned is that you must realize who you are first before you step into the playing field.
Take time for learning about singleness. I struggled for years being single. I struggled HARD! I’m in my mid 20’s and I am from a town where people get married young. Since I was 18 all my friends have married within a few years of being out of high school. All of my closest friends are married or in very serious relationships. I came across a great sermon series (Relationship Goals by Micheal Todd) that helped shape my identity as a single woman and embrace this season. I have learned that it is okay and that God has it all figured it out. I have learned to take myself on dates once in awhile or to take that extra time with my girlfriends when I can. Embrace it and learn who you are as an amazing woman of God.
Set Boundaries! You are in the spotlight being a youth leader. Your girls and your boys look at your relationships as a guideline. When dating set some personal boundaries that help you stay accountable to your fellow leaders, youth and parents. Set healthy boundaries!
For myself, I set one years ago. No texting a guy after 10pm. My reason for this, is I know that my filter drops around 9:30/9:45pm. Anything can come out of my mouth and I won’t realize what I said. I have worked hard on this and have asked friends to keep me accountable to this. I have even has some youth girls follow this and they have said it has saved them from doing some stupid stuff.
Set up mentorship and accountability. Find another woman who was in ministry as a single gal and hear her story. Learn from her. Ask her questions. You will learn so much! I recently did this and it was the best visit ever because I learned so much and came out of it feeling so appreciative of this season. You need someone outside of your girlfriends who understand your heart and season.
Remember it is a season. All seasons of singleness look different. Some will be longer and some will be shorter. Your season won’t look the same as your friends. That is okay. Let God work in this season. He has the right man for you out there. Just wait. Waiting can suck but it also can be so beautiful. Trust. Wait. It’s a season. Learn and grow. Embrace it!
Don’t let being single hold you back from God working in and through you in ministry. Singleness can be a very beautiful season if you let God into it. It won’t be easy, trust me. I daily find myself struggling but I remember that this is God’s work not mine. I am His daughter, fully loved and cherished by Him. My identity rests in Him, not a relationship. I am excited what God does in our singleness!!! Girls, we got this!
My name is Melissa Lamoureux. I am 25 and been serving in my church’s youth ministry for over 5 years. I love teenagers. After several years working in childcare, I realized youth is where it is at! God called me into youth ministry when I was 21 and it has been a beautiful and hard ride but God is faithful in guiding me through. I believe we are raising up a generation of youth that are going to be a catalyst to seeing change in our communities and a passion that will not be easily dimmed. About 4 years ago I started a blog to reach young girls called Her Hallelujah Heart. Through this I have been able to share the heart of God and what He has been teaching me.